I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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