using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
