I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
