My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
