also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
