Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
