God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
