There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
