Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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