he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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