watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
