If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
