I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
