Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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