yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
