My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
