why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My feet surprised me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
