My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Terrible idea I love it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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