Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
