I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize