Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
