The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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