OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
