I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
