you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
one might say we're banned from that church
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
