She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did i just pee glitter
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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