I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
