I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
