I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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