Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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