why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
