Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just invented taco cereal.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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