There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
