Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize