its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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