I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
