I wish I could teleport
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
