you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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