yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We left the knife in your bed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
