I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
