I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FUCK WHALES
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