When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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