Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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