I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
