Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
