And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
