addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
