Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize