Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
