Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I could punch you in the face.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
