we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
