Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
