Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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