can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
