I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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