i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
