I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
