once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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