she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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