My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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