I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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