I hate your face
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
