Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
