god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
