Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
