the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
