They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
