i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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