he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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