A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't deserve a penis
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
